FB Status'

In my room, eatin burritos. I hear a loud smash, then shards of glass grind with the road. I move over to the window to see anything. Everyone is okay. A woman yells "It's okay, I have insurance" The opposite driver cries out "Do you think that's gonna pay for my car? I haven't got a licence!" Then they both just drove off... All in under a minute.


R Cooper on a Saturday night

Facebook Status from Diana

"Now Diana, you've almost been working here for a year so I would hope you would know correct phone etiquette by now"
D - "Yeaaaah..."
"So maybe next time when a colleague is in the loo you could say 'She is currently away from the desk at the moment' not 'Ahh, I think she went for a quick piss, maybe call back in 5? Or longer in case it's not a piss?'"
D - "Right...Shall keep that in mind next time"

How am I not fired?